“This Doesn’t Feel Okay for Me”

Establish Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are a key part of caring for yourself, especially in relationships. But for many of us, especially those who have experienced trauma or complicated family dynamics, boundaries can feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable. What are they really? And how do we know when we need one?

What Are Healthy Boundaries?

Healthy boundaries are the limits and guidelines we create to protect our emotional and physical well-being. They help us stay connected to ourselves, communicate our needs clearly, and create relationships built on mutual respect. Boundaries define what feels okay and what does not feel okay in our interactions with others. They are not about shutting people out. They are about showing up with honesty, care, and clarity.

Some examples of healthy boundaries include:

• Saying no to plans or commitments when you feel overwhelmed

• Letting someone know a topic of conversation is off limits for you

• Giving yourself permission to rest or take space without guilt

• Not sharing personal details when you do not feel ready

Why Do We Need Boundaries?

Boundaries help protect our time, energy, and sense of self. Without them, it is easy to become resentful, exhausted, or unsure of who we are in relationships. Boundaries are especially important if you grew up in an environment where your needs were dismissed, or if you were expected to take care of others at your own expense.

Having boundaries does not mean you are selfish or cold. It means you are learning to listen to your body, trust your emotions, and respond to your limits with care. Boundaries allow us to stay in connection without losing ourselves.

What Boundaries Are Not

Boundaries are not punishments, threats, or silent treatments. They are not about controlling others. And they are not meant to be tests of loyalty or love. Boundaries are a way of saying, “This is what I need to feel safe and well, and I want to share that with you.”

How to Practice Healthy Boundaries in Daily Life

1. Tune in to your body and emotions.

   Pay attention to moments when you feel tense, drained, or uncomfortable. These are often signs that a boundary might be needed.

   
   

2. Name your needs.

   Get clear on what feels helpful or unhelpful in a situation. Ask yourself, “What would feel more supportive right now?” You do not always have to use the word “boundary” when expressing what you need. Here are some examples of gentle, relational ways to speak up:

• “I need some space to think this through.”

• “That does not feel okay for me.”

• “I am not in a place to talk about that right now.”

• “I care about our relationship and also need time to myself.”

• “I am learning to take better care of my energy.”

• “That topic brings up a lot for me. Can we pause here?”

3. Communicate simply and directly.

   You do not need to over-explain. Try language like, “I need some space to think,” or “I’m not available for that conversation.”

   
   

4. Expect a range of responses.

   Not everyone will understand your needs. That does not mean you are doing something wrong. It means your needs are different from theirs and that is okay.

   
   

5. Check in with yourself.

   After speaking up, give yourself a moment to reflect. You might feel relief, guilt, or uncertainty. Allow the feelings a safe space, then release them. With practice, these conversations become more natural and empowering.

Boundaries are not about building walls. They are about building trust with yourself and others. When you practice setting clear, kind limits, you create space for healthier, more sustainable relationships.

If you are working through what boundaries look like for you and want support along the way, therapy can help. You deserve relationships that honor your voice, your limits, and your growth.